New Years Greetings

These words are from a lullaby...
but I think appropriate at any age...
My wish to all I love in 2010!!


May you always walk in sunshine
Slumber warm when night winds blow
May you always live with laughter
For a smile becomes you so.

May good fortune find your doorway
May the bluebird sing your song
May no trouble travel your way
May no worry stay too long

May your heartaches be forgotten
May no tears be spilled
May old acquaintance be remembered
And your cup of kindness filled

And may you always be a dreamer
May your wildest dream come true
May you find someone to love
As much as I love you...

Gentle reminder

A message??

it worked for me...

We all have days that we need to be reminded!!

I saw this on a blog I read regularly and it hit home:

I found they best way to see my future is too look at my past and that the older I get, the more I sound like my mother.
I learned that people are the same everywhere I go, but the ones that I’ve known the longest have a box seat in my soul.

Go Pack...

I really!!!! want the Packers to win tomorrow!
Is that too much to ask?

Boring?? You decide...

You know?
I was just thinking how long it has been since I blogged…
Some people would say that it means that our lives are boring…

If that is true, then I really kinda like boring!!

When you are living life in the “eye of the hurricane” – just pure and simple survival is tough enough.
We had all been in survival stage for quite awhile.
We have all had to learn what our new “normal” is.
It has drastically changed – it is MUCH better in some ways and yes, worse in some ways… but we have settled into our new “normal” and make the best of everyday!
We could always wish for more or better or nicer but realize that we have an awful lot to be thankful for.

A quick life update on us and what’s new:

Aaron is having a good school year grade wise. His top interests continue to be:
1) His truck and driving EVERYWHERE!
2) His dirt bike - it is in the shop & we are determining the cost to repair the motor…
3) Hunting season!!! (Need I say more?)
4) Kyle the cat – They are best buds!! Aaron has determined that he is getting fat and has put him on a strict diet (I hope he doesn’t decide to do that with me!)

Some little things I love about this BIG kid lately??
1) When I hear him snap his retainers out of his mouth every morning and I didn’t even have to remind him to put them in the night before
2) When he realized that putting up the Christmas lights in October before it is cold out is a lot smarter than waiting until November and snow
3) When he is willing to help out his mom and our neighbors with projects without even complaining
4) The way he plops on top of me for his goodnight hug/cuddle before bedtime as I am reading in bed
5) The way he finagles gas money and excuses to use the truck! (oh yeah – did I mention that I love that he has his license?)
6) His big giant hugs! That he shares important details of his day! And that he is a responsible “Scoopie” at Culvers!
7) That is has been listening to Christmas music for a month and a half already!

Brittany is learning a lot of life lessons since turning 18!
1) She continues to meet her requirements and has @ 8 months until her goal is fulfilled
2) She has signed up for courses at the Tech School
3) She has a new job at Bath and Bodyworks (I think we will love that discount!)
4) She has learned that nothing in life is just handed to you – you make your own road and you deal with the consequences

Some little things I love about this young adult lately?
1) She is grateful for the small things that someone does for her
2) She is no longer rebellious or combative – I see a new appreciative side that I love!
3) I really am enjoying getting to know her again – we are healing – we are friends!
4) She talks to me – really talks! It has been a long, long time!
5) I love her notes, e-mails, poems and songs that remind her of me!
6) She is SO looking forward to being with her family at Thanksgiving!

Me???? Between my job at Camera Corner, the extra hour a day I am on the road and then working at Lambeau Field (which I love!) - the days fly by WAY too fast. In my spare time? Let’s see… I:
1) Rake – a lot! Ha ha
2) Have been spending great time with Brit and hanging out with Aaron
3) Head Up North – a couple of times (need to get up there more)
4) Made a Halloween costume for a friend
5) Try to make a new homemade soup every week
6) Practice the banjo – it is coming slow though - uggg
7) Work on finishing 3 quilts
8) Cuddle with Kyle on the couch – with the fireplace going – a lot! TOO much!
9) Just finished two Jodi Picoult books
10) Started listening to motivational CDs on the drive to and from work
11) Joined the YMCA and lost some weight!! (without Aaron’s help! – LOL!)
12) Re-aquainted with and forgave an old friend that had hurt me badly through the divorce – amazing to watch a relationship heal!!
13) Oh yeah – and I booked a trip to Puerto Rico in March with some friends!!

It really doesn’t sound boring to me…
it sounds busy…
and productive…
with goals and hopes and dreams for our future…
Normal?
Maybe not yours… but ours.

Did I mention that I really like it?

Precious...

awwww...

what a miracle!!

the whole pregnancy, labor, birth experience still blows me away!!

Welcome baby Emily!!

Meet Emily Morgan Grube!!

My newest great-niece!!

7lbs 11oz 20 inches

Awwww....

Now I really need to get healthy to get over and love on her!!

Congrats Mitch, Jenny and Allie!!

Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melodie Beattie

Aaron passed his road test today... stay off the streets of Kimberly!!

Mom is so relieved!!!

Wouldn't you know... the battery on my camera was dead??? Pictures to follow...

Now my time to cry...

Thanks for the post Brittany... I love you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q9S3cT18Fs

Loved it...
Funny how life works that way, hey?

Quick trip up north...

Bruce took this picture and caught my favorite time of the day...

at my absolute, most favorite place on earth...

The cabin!

I love the reflection of the birch trees on the water...

and if I close my eyes, I can hear the water rippling over the rocks...

so calming...


I have dual monitors at work and most of the day, my screens are full with too many windows open at one time...
sometimes I just diminish them all and gaze at this spot...
It instantly calms me and makes me feel so peaceful!

(If only we could "diminish" all our problems and worries as easily!)

Please pray...

Please pray for Kristy's family...
I cannot begin to imagine what they are going through...
http://www.postcrescent.com/article/20090917/APC010301/909170555/1007

I cannot seem to get this off my mind or out of my heart and pray for them constantly.

I am what I am...

I had to post this...
Aaron wrote this for school and it makes me cry every time I read it...

I Am What I Am
Written By Aaron Mc Gowan

I am what I am...
I am a student at the two time back to back state champ school Kimberly and am very proud to be here.
I am a student and I understand that I don’t know everything and have much yet to learn about life.
I am also a believer in choices.
I believe we all face the same choices in one way or another.
To smoke and drink and do bad things compared to doing what I was always raised to do and say.
I believe we are all tested to see what we can achieve in life.
I am what I am, a son and brother.
A son of two outstanding parents that I know love and care for me as much as I care for them.
I am a brother to a wonderful sister that even though she is older still looks at me as her peer and best friend.
I am a friend as well as a mentor in many of my families and friends problems and decisions.

I am a lover and fighter.

I will be nice and fair to anyone and everyone who I meet.
I can also be a weapon as I am trained in the art of Tae Kwon Do and am a recipient of a 2nd Poom Certificate, which is a 2nd Degree Black Belt.
I have trained for six years at this and know what my abilities are and what to expect of my opponents abilities.
I am what I am.

A dreamer and realist.
I am a dreamer of one day being able to compete with my buddies who are pro motocross riders. I am a realist in seeing that I can only jump my bike so far and go so fast till I get better, but I learn.
Just as I was taught to follow my heart and get up after falling in everything.
Just as I have been taught to be thankful for everything I have and all the time I have here.
I have experienced this many times in the deaths of friend racers and my cousin.
In this I believe they are in Gods hands. For I am a christian and not afraid to say that.
I am what I am.

A kid.
I live by that.
I live my life now and here and want to do as many cool things as possible that I can as a kid.
I love activity.
Whether it be practicing motocross, or snowboarding, it can be from fishing in one place along the bank of a river to hunting a friend in the woods during paint ball.
I love my dirt bike and working on it.
I love hanging out with my friends that ride and watching them learn.
I love lots of things and the list is long trust me.
I am what I am.

I am Aaron James Mcgowan.
I am 16 and love my life for how it is and don’t regret one minute of it because without what has all happened I wouldn’t be here loving it now for what it is.

I am what I am…
nothing more…
and nothing less.

Needless to say, I am one proud mom!

An adventure...

The Appleton Airport

On a much lighter note...

My brothers and dad...

"the three amigos" or maybe?

"the three stooges"?

ha ha ha ha

left today on an "adventure"...

a flight to Montanna...

a stay in the "hunting cabin"...

(ya right!)

a visit with great family and friends...

many, many good gut laughs...

and there are SURE to be a few GREAT stories...

and a loooonnnng drive home in a van...

(with more of the same, I am sure)

Just don't let Dad have the first sleep shift - he will never wake up!!

(I am so jealous...)

Enjoy, laugh and have loads of fun!

God Speed!

Shaken and sad...

Yesterday...
on a day that seemed oh so normal...
just driving home from work...
I received a call from Brittany with tragic news...
of the suicide of a 17 year old from Kaukauna High...
Kristy.

We knew her.
It shook my world...

My hair stood on end...
I did not believe it...
I hated telling Aaron and hoped that it was not true.
I still get chills everytime I think about it.

Every parents worst possible nightmare.
Horrific.
Tragic.
There does not seem to be a word to describe it and I cannot even imagine.

She had touched our lives personally...

I took care of her...
for two years when I was an at home "day-care" mom...
She and Aaron attended preschool together at Good Shepherd...
and then all our kids were in day-care together...
Her grandparents were our backyard neighbors for years.
A vivacious, bubbly, out-going little girl that made us laugh! All the time!

Her mom and I were great friends when the kids were young.
As the kids grew...
we drifted...
but would quickly try to catch up at the kids events through the years.
I watched her grow up from afar.

Recently, there had been a move from Kimberly...
I had heard rumors of a nasty divorce...

But...
What makes a child do this? Anyone do this?
How can there be no other options?

We knew her...
no longer closely...
but still...
she had been a part of our lives.

It made me realize again just how tough of a world our kids are growing up in.
It made me pray that neither of my kids ever feel this desperate or hopeless.
It made me extremely sad.
It made me text Brittany to always be strong and never give up.
It made me wish (a lot more than usual) that I could giver her a bedtime hug.
It made me have a talk with Aaron that I should probably have more often.
It made me hug him a lot tighter at bed time, to make up for both their hugs.
Because I am so lucky to have them.

And when I crawled in bed...
it made me sob...
uncontrollably...
because I am so thankful that...
somehow...
someway...
we survived divorce...
not just once.

it was not easy...
there may be scars...
but these can heal with time and love.

Because we still have each other.
And for that I feel so grateful.

Glimmer???

I had a glimmer last week...

and again yesterday...



Glimpses...
of the way it was at one time...
and maybe...
of a new beginning???



I spent a few wonderful, relaxed, hours just hanging with my beautiful daughter...

playing with the camera...
cooking dinner...
eating...
driving...
and mostly, talking...
about important things...


about silly things...
laughing...

and just catching up.





I loved every precious minute...

Just enjoying each other...

And like time does...
with everything special...


the minutes went
way to fast!!

(And we did pretty good at catching and enjoying a beautiful sunset together too!)

Great weekend!

Taking a ride in Bennie the jeep to Uncle Matty's pond

Jumping in off the cherry picker!!

They really got a lot of air...

Aaron rolling Hunter into the river...

Hunter... my... what big antlers you have...


Say "Cheese" Mitch...

It's the inner tube boy...

Julie and Carol having fun...

New hobby...

pretty excited...
I feel like a kid in a candy store...
learning something new...

photography!!!!!

always wanted to try...
who knows???

please stand by...
you... as my friends... may have to suffer through some pretty awful attempts!!


no worries Franklin
I have been practicing 15 minutes a day on the banjo...
(ok, well just since Tues. - but that is a start right?) ;)
now... where is my cd??

A few thoughts

For about the last month, I have been thinking about friendships...
A LOT...
and was going to try to put my thoughts in words today.

I peeked at my regular blogs I visit and this was on my cousin Jessica's site - I could not believe it!! Almost exactly what I would've written but she says it so well.
So I say... DITTO!!!

Thanks Jess - like I told you... I am blog lifting!!


I've just been quite amazed at how people come and go into our lives once or several times in our lifetimes. Its something that I've been more aware of and have come to accept as a part of our life's journeys. I used to think that when someone quit talking to me or just kind of faded into nowhere, that it was something I did. It would haunt for a long time and I would feel like I needed to make this gigantic step of getting back in touch with them. Sometimes that is required, but if the effort is really forced then it obviously wasn't meant to be.
It is always kind of hard to see someone disappear out of your life, but maybe that is why it makes it all the more amazing when they reappear. Maybe the friendship was meant to go another direction and when the timing was right, the friendship would resume (sometimes as though no time has passed). I believe that our relationships with people throughout our lives are meant for us to learn and grow and transform. Some people come into our lives at a certain point just to provide a gift we needed then, and for us to provide them with a gift as well...and then, poof...they are gone. Some people have really left a lasting impression and have touched my heart and soul. Obviously, not all gifts are ones that I've treasured at the time and wonder, "what the hell?"..."why was this person in my life?". Well, to teach you some sort of lesson, dummy. I usually don't see it at the time (but am becoming more aware of it), but later down the road it all makes sense.
It's actually quite amusing if you think about it. It sometimes even makes me laugh inside. Sometimes I've found myself just totally attracting the same types of people in my life all at the same time. This is when it amuses me most. Well, apparently I'm supposed to learn something in this journey of mine right now! I still beat myself up sometimes when I'm unable to find the time to call someone back or just really don't feel like talking at that particular time. I kind of think this is ok though. If it seems more effort than it should, maybe it wasn't meant to be at that moment. Eventually, we make the time (that is sometimes needed) and reconnect up for the time being...and then go our own ways for a few days or months...and the reconnect, etc, etc. Other times, there are friends that you can share a lot with during a particular time and it is effortless. Quite bizarre.
I've been able to reconnect back up with some old friends...some through the wonderful world of Facebook, (internet) and some just naturally. I'm quite grateful for friends in my life because they make my world so much brighter. For those friends who I'm not in constant contact with...I'm still thinking of you always. We are all so connected in so many ways....more than our tiny, little human minds can fathom. Its those instances where you can recognize the connection that is pretty awesome. When you can be in the moment and really be aware that every one you come in contact with every day plays some role in your life...that is quite enlightening.
So, thank you to everyone who is in my life...or who was in my life...I'm grateful...for you have made me who I am. And, who I am, is... who I am.

Waterfront Festival

A few summer fun pics from waterfest weekend...

It was SO HOT at the parade so we went to the "pier" to cool off and it was just the ticket!!

We had a great time "tailgating" for the parade, hanging out with family and old friends and reconnecting with some "new" old friends!

(Apologies, I cannot figure out why these posted out of order but we were at the parade first!!)

Friends

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

hApPy bIrThDaY tO mE

those letters feel like my life lately...
uP aNd dOwN!!

as a GREAT friend just reminded me...
oNe dAy aT a tImE, cOlLeEn...

hard to remember but so true...
it will still probably be rocky...
but easier to handle!

thanks for all your support and love today...
i feel it!!

today is a great day!

my life, these days

it seems that every time I start to feel hopeful…
like I can breathe a little easier…
and sleep again…
just when I think I start to feel the sun on my face…
that the shadows and dark days are behind us…
and I am looking toward the horizon, hoping for better days…
then…

whamo!

we are talking awful news…
vivid details…
devastating words…
heartbreaking visuals…
dream shattering actions…
out of the clear blue!

things that a mother should not have to hear…
or know…
because…
they should not be happening.

countless times…
in the past year…
monday… again??
it keeps happening…
when will it stop???

and each time, it takes a little more out of me…
each time, it is a longer process…
to recover…
to forgive…
and heal.

I have known others…
who have been forced to travel a similar road…
that have suffered as they watched their children’s mistakes…
or their grand children’s…
but I could have NEVER, NEVER have imagined how hard it is…
or how much it hurts…
or how absolutely helpless I could feel…
and disappointed…
and hopeless…

there are no rules…
or roadmaps…
or designated time frames…
and sometimes…
the tunnel seems endless…
and I wonder how long it will be until I see even the smallest glimmer of light at the end?

My friend Barb rescued me this weekend!

She makes me laugh...

til my tummy hurts...

and it is so good for my soul!!

(We have been friends since we were 4!)

Work can be FUN!

It was a super weekend - we had our family reunion on my mom's side and it was great to see our cousins that we sometimes only get to see once a year. (Brit was supposed to come but ended up having to work).

THEN - we headed to the cabin...

I was thrilled as I have only been there a couple times this year...

Aaron is ALWAYS!!!!!!! thrilled to be at the cabin.

We had some great visits, a little relaxing (I zonked on the couch with everyone in the room - that never happens), some fun and games and ofcourse a campfire!

On Sunday...
Bruce was giving Lisa and I crap because we were "relaxing" and the bridge area needed to be weeded...
First we tried to say it didn't "need" weeding... (which it really did - in fact more like an overhaul)

We finally agreed to "weed" under protest...

THEN weeding turned into digging out the HUGE rock that I "fell down and broke my crown on" ...
ie: now known as the $3800 rock (what my hospital bill cost for my concussion!) It is now place of honor... in the middle of the hosta ring so no one else can fall on it.

THEN Lisa and I decided that the bridge was a hazard and needed to be taken down...
Bruce wasn't so sure... we convinced him and it headed to the fire pit.

THEN Lisa and I wanted a flat rock walkway where the bridge was...
Bruce wasn't so sure - he said there weren't going to be enough flat rocks...

THEN we said sure there are and kept digging out more...
we had plenty!! HA! Looks great!

THEN Bruce was gonna pull ONE clump of brush on one side of the outhouse by the roots...
BUT Dad decided that the scraggy tree next to it needed to go also...

THEN Lisa and I decided that ONE big bush needed to go on the OTHER side because the forest was taking over...
it looked so much brighter with it gone...
THEN mom got in the picture... she said we should clear more so we could see the rock...

I think you get the big picture...
The result? The "camo-flage" pile of brush and trees on the jeep!!

Anyway by the time we moved to the clump on the other side of the outhouse - my tummy was rumbling and I thought it must be 11:30.

I was shocked to find out it was 1:30 and we needed to fly to get Aaron back to work.

Funny...

I wonder if Bruce will just let us girls relax next time???

The 3 musketeers

The three musketeers...

these three get along SO good it is unreal!!

They had a blast like always...

jumping at the pier...

sleeping in the camper...

just spending good cousin time...

playing with Gabby...

eating strawberry shortcake...

painting my trucks bumpers and rims black...

going 4 wheeling with my pickup through the woods...

(a-hem: my brake line had to be replaced and my muffler fell off!)

Bruce and Dad had the brake line fixed for me there thankfully

but it was a noisy ride back to Kimberly!!

But mostly...

they dirt biked!

How fun!

Man cave...

Aaron is up at Bruce's so I e-mailed this morning to see how things were going. This is too cute and I had to post part of an e-mail from him back...

"Last night was man cave night! Cody's friend Luke (dirt biker) slept over also, so the 4 of them (Aaron, Cody, Hunter and Luke) were on truck seats, etc. sitting in the garage looking at their dirt bikes until 11:30 pm.
They all wanted to sleep in the garage, but crabby Uncle Bruce made them opt for the camper instead. It was funny tho, I made Lisa go out and look. I swear they all would have curled up and slept on their dirt bike's, if there was any way to do it."

OK... ok... finally time to get a little caught up...

June 8, 2009

Notice something missing???

Yepp...

Hard to believe...

Aaron got his braces off !!

FINALLY!!

after almost 6 years...

but his smile is AWESOME!

(and worth every penny!)

Let's see... what have we been doing?

working hard at our new jobs and really liking them...

gardening...

mowing...

weeding...

barbecuing with friends...

boating when lucky enough to be invited...

just being outside and enjoying the sun when it is out...

(Figured I'd throw this in here for fun)

me on the surfboard simulator...

at our work Technology expo...

working hard... Ü

(I did pretty good actually...)

and doing lots of "guy" stuff with Aaron this summer like...
the races on Thursday nights...

spending time in water parks and the dells...

(thankfully no swimsuit pictures to post from the water park!)

going to Culvers...

a lot!!

go carting in Wisconsin Dells...

and Appleton...

a ton...

AND hey!!!

I got this great picture of Aaron zooming around the track...

oops!

(Honestly, it was the best one of them all - LOL!)

And lastly...

(and Aaron will tell you - most importantly)

We bought a dirtbike!

After nearly bugging me to death...

and having the neighbors gang up on me...

Yepper - number 15!!!

(so cool to match his age hey?)

A 1997 Kawasaki 125cc

And he is loving it!

He has been smiling ear to ear... non-stop...

we have had the fenders and number plate professionally painted...

he has "pimped" it up and we are having special decals made...

he got to take it "dirt tracking" on Sunday...

(remember we live in the city so we have to find places to ride)...

BUT tomorrow...

it gets loaded on the little pickup and he and the bike...

are making a trip to Marinette...

with Uncle Bruce and Aunt Lisa, Cody and Hunter until Sunday.

(They have dirt bikes too and miles of land!!)

Happy and SAFE trails Aaron!!

(Mom's actually glad she finally gave in!)

A friend from grades school has been diagnosed with 4th stage cancer with no option for chemo or radiation...
She is my age... scary...

So...

Be in the moment. Enjoy THIS day. Hug a little tighter; share a smile with someone around you. Give yourself permission to let something else go and make a memory you'll cherish for a lifetime. Even if it means staying up past bedtime and going a little over the top to make the memory extra special. How sad that sometimes it takes a tragedy for us to all see the gift of what we already have.
I have learned the significance of now.
SO... do something 'special' just because YOU can, to celebrate the simple and ordinary moments we have with one another.

Happy safe and fun filled 4th of July!

I snuck this from a fellow blogger - it was too good not to pass on!

Yep... I am quiet...

Yep... there has been more hurt...

Yep...I have needed time to retreat, reflect and revitalize...

Nope... I am not giving in or giving up...

How to describe how I feel??

This week has been a whirlwind emotionally...

Monday, Brit had to go back to court for her on year follow up hearing. The feelings, emotions, and memories that went into that trip to Sturgeon Bay and the time watching my daughter in court are indescribable.
The outcome? Although she was hoping for expungement - Brittany will continue to be on probation for one full year yet with the opportunity to have the felony diminished to a misdemeanor at that time. I pray for her - sometimes multiple times a day - that her decisions and choices each day take the rest of her life into account.

Tuesday was the one year anniversary of my divorce - in a way, it seems like a lifetime... SO much has happened since then and today, I realize that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was or could be!! I stand amazed at all that God has brought me to... and then brought me through. SO... never really alone!

Yesterday, Brit came over to address her graduation party invitations - for awhile this year, we were not even sure if there would be a high school graduation and or a reason to celebrate!! She made spaghetti for supper and ate cookie dough with us...and participated!! as if she misses it!! No conflict... great night!

Tonight is sure to be the most emotional...

Brittany will walk with her class and graduate from Kimberly High School with the class of 2009. I remember... when she was born... figuring out that she would be part of the class of 2009 and thinking that it was a lifetime away. It seems as though I blinked... and now she is graduating!
I have struggled this year with so many feelings this year with Brit... disappointment... anger... frustration... bitterness... embarrassment... betrayal... bewilderment... misunderstanding... denial... guilt... but always with love as the main motivator. and... although she thinks I may have... and many times, has thought of me as the enemy... I never stopped loving my daughter - not for a moment.

I had such high hopes for Brittany and the person that she was...
she has struggled... she has made big mistakes... she hasn't cared what could happen to her or thought about consequences... she won't be attending UW Parkside as planned...
and as she once dreamed...

So...
today is bittersweet...
BUT... it is sweet just the same.


SHE MADE IT!!

I am VERY proud that Brittany is graduating.

I am VERY proud that she has earned a scholarship.

I am celebrating!!



She is graduating... from high school and one chapter of her life...
this is not an ending but a beginning... of the rest of her life... she has a new chance...



I am VERY proud that Brittany is my daughter and I will hold my head high tonight...
and shed tears (I am already)...

and look forward to her future...

and new choices...

and new hopes and dreams...

I hope her future is so bright... she has to wear shades!!!

Memorial day

Thank you to all who fought or served for our freedom...

what a great country we live in!

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!

A special thanks to my favorite people in uniform - my dad, "T", Kurt, Murph, Alexa and Shane!

And Matt!!! (How could I forget - everyone

else was active except my dad but still shame on me!!)

I am OK...

Thank you to all of you that have shown concern...
and wondered where I have been...
You know me well...
when I am quiet - there is trouble...

There have been some rough storms... I am extremely frustrated... I feel betrayed and used...
I have some very tough decisions to make... alone...
I have felt so alone...

Through a friends, friends blog - I stumbled on this...

"The narrow road is extremely narrow by design. Those who travel it must by necessity travel light. There is no room for hatred, malice, pride, greed, prejudice, injustice, or selfishness on the narrow road. It leads to the throne of the Almighty God Himself, and He is only interested in the travelers, not their baggage (I love that part).

Life along the narrow road is not perfect, because perfect people don't travel there. It is possible to break down on the narrow road too, to be hurt or to be abused. Sickness and pain are not uncommon - and neither is sin. But the difference in the two roads (the narrow vs. the broad) is this: You are never alone on the narrow road. Never. God is not on the broad road, but He is your constant companion, through the Holy Spirit, on the narrow one."

I know there is a plan...
just hard to imagine that is possible today...

critters...

Funny...
For the past few weeks, I have caught Kyle...
(a.k.a. our "kitty", now almost a full grown cat)...
staring up at the ceiling -

At first, I thought he was seeing spider webs, he was looking in the corners (spring, spiders on the move?)
Then I thought, bats in the belfry? (meaning his belfry?)

I even asked him if that was what was going on as he seemed so "dis-tracted"...

One day last week - he was looking up at the ceiling and his head was darting from side to side...
a lot...

I finally got it - critters in the attic!

OK - I have cellulose insulation - how will I find a thing in that?
Next question - squirrels? Chipmunks? mice?

I covered all bases - bought 2 mouse traps, 2 boxes of d-con and a "rat" trap (big enuf to catch a squirrel.) Aaron also set the "small animal live trap" just in case and a prayer went up that there are no "babies" in a nest.

Aaron checked every fifteen minutes the first night - nothing.

By day two - 2 mice after school.

One more this weekend.
(Gotta admit - they sure are cute... as long as they are in the attic or dead)

Kitty's head was calm this morning when I left for work...
I am hoping the critters are gone...
I am hoping that there are no 'babies" ...
please stand by...

This week feels like a good week...

Why... You ask???

1. I am off my blood pressure medication!! I had cut back to a quarter of a pill a day and needed to get through my new job STRESS!! but decided a week ago that life had settled enough to try it without... Blood pressure has been about 110/60 since - watching it closely and I feel great!! It made me SO tired at work... but already by Monday, there was a marked difference and I am feeling great!
2. Aaron's confirmation was awesome! (Pictures will hopefully follow soon!) It was a beautiful day and he was lucky to have so many of his family there to celebrate!! Brittany even told him that she was very proud of him!! Sweet sisterly love!
3. Celebrated Cinco De Maya with both kids last night - we had great fun and a good chance to catch up with Brit. Keep her in your prayers this month and June 1st - she has a HUGE day coming up and needs all the love and support she can get!!
4. Found out on the weekend that I am going to be a great-aunt again!! Mitch, Jenny and Ally are expecting a sweet little addition to their family in October!! Can't wait!
5. Getting a haircut tonight - always make me feel like a million bucks!!
6. It's mothers day on the weekend - isn't every day mothers day??
7. Aaron helped me on Monday night and we got all the mulch for the gardens! (Pictures will hopefully follow soon!) Big job and we worked until 9:30 (after dark) but the results were worth it... it sure looks nice! Thanks Aaron - Culvers ice-cream tonight for a treat!!
8. Yum!!!!!!! Yeah, it is a good week! Ü

Wow! a week of life, death and hope!!

Lots of things to pray about this week!

• The accident on Monday, that I last posted about... took the life of Peggy Baumann last evening - she was 37 with two adorable small boys and a great husband! I worked closely with her at Heartland for 5 years and she had a heart of gold... how sad! It tears at my heart that she never got to say goodbye to those that she loved the most - especially those precious boys!
• My brother Ken - through his work - knew the man who died that day from the same accident. And the one that is critically injured and still in the hospital goes to Ken's church. How bizarre that between the two of us - we would know all three random people that were injured or killed!
• Last Friday, Aaron and I attended my uncle Ray's memorial service. He was 88 and lived a great life but... still... hard to say goodbye to his earthly body! Even knowing that he is in a better place! Harder still for his daughters, his wife of 33 years and his two brothers (my dad and Uncle Matt!)
• The same day, at the funeral service - I got to celebrate life! I met my cousin Riley's baby Rafe! When Riley was a tyke, she was connected to my hip (that was the joke) I was in 8th grade and I spent every spare minute at their house! ( I have always loved babies!) I can tell she is an AWESOME mom already!
• I am loving spring this week and the "new hope" this time of year brings! I am "re-discovering" all my perennials that I planted in my yard when I lived there before!! How often does that happen in someones life, hey? Lilacs, iris and roses from my Grandma Doris' garden... roses, spider wart and chives from my mom's garden... and my tulips from when Lisa went to Holland. My rhubarb and grapevines and hyacinths and daylilies and hostas and peonies and crocus and daffodils! AND yesterday, I spotted my two Asiatic Lillies (my absolute favorite) Wonder what I will find next week??
• My mom had her cancer re-check this week - hard to believe that she has been cancer free for 18 years!!! Hoping for the best news possible - STILL no cancer!!
• Aaron will be confirmed on Sunday!! It is twice bittersweet because he is my baby - my last one - to go through this AND because Pastor Doug just resigned and it would have been so sweet to have him perform the ceremony but hey... change is good right??
• My cousin Heath - out west - has been diagnosed with cancer. Metastatic Seminoma... a type of cancer that is non-aggressive in nature and has a pretty good prognosis BUT it is still cancer... and scary... and overwhelming! He is a fighter... he has a great, strong supportive wife - pray for strength for them all!
• Lastly, (and minor in comparison) my back!!! I am so frustrated!! I had just gotten back to Tae Kwan Do (I would love to say I injured it there - NOT!) I moved wrong on Sunday night - one small twist and... I have been miserable all week!! The hot tub helps - my stretching excercises help... but when your back is miserable... it kind of makes everything miserable! :(

Oh well - this too shall pass!!

Happy May everyone!

Gentle reminder...

There was a terrible fatal crash on Hwy 141 this morning...

my heart goes out to those people and their families.

on a typical day, I would have been in just about that spot...

at just about that time.

I left early this morning to avoid the summer construction that had started...

grumbling the whole time...

His eye is on the sparrow!

thank God.

Happy Belated Birthday mom!!

It seems like I am behind in everything this year!

Luckily I did not miss mom's birthday...

BUT I am late in posting this!

bEtTeR laTe tHaN nEvEr??

I know that I was not always the perfect child...

I know we had years of strife...

when I thought I knew it all...

when I had to learn to spread my wings...

and even as an adult... when I make wrong decisions...

when I need parenting advise...

or help in making career decisions...

or a vacation...

or help with a quilting project...

when I make mistakes and have to start over...

you are always there!!

Thanks mom...

for your endless example...

your godly nature...

for loving me no matter what...

for giving me wings...

for knowing when I have a bad day (even an hour and a half away)...

for teaching me to be strong...

for showing me what family is all about...

for always listening...

for your never ending support...

and most of all...

for being my best friend!

On Friday, an old family friend commented that I look

more like you each time she sees me!

That is one of the best compliments that I could ever receive!

I am so thankful that God has blessed me with you as my mom

and for giving us so many wonderful years and memories together!

I thank God for you every day!!

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

*I just realized that Reba's song was on here because it was Brit's and my special song...

but it sure rings true for all the you have been for me mom!

Thank you!!

and as life goes on...

and our roles merge...

I'll be...

for you too!

Aaron - second degree black belt

Look below - I edited the pictures so you can actually see them this time!!

Also, congrats to Aaron - he got his temps the day before! Stay off the sidewalks!! Ü

Life is a Theatre

Invite Your Audience Carefully.

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life.

There are some people in your life who need to be loved from a DISTANCE.

It is amazing what you can accomplish when you

let go of - or minimize your time with

- those draining, negative, incompatible,

'not-going- anywhere' relationships or friendships.

Observe the relationships around you.

Pay close attention...

Which ones lift, and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage, and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill, and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama, or don't really

understand, know or appreciate you & the gifts that lie within you?

Remember that the people you have around you will have

an impact on your life, your values and your income.

So, be careful when choosing the people you hang out with,

as well as the information with which you will feed your mind.

We should not share our dreams with negative people,

nor feed our minds with negative thoughts.

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind,

love and truth around you...

the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to

sit in the FRONT ROW, and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Ask your God for wisdom and discernment,

and choose wisely the people who will sit in the front row of your life.

You cannot change the people around you...

but you CAN change the people you choose to be around!

WHO IS IN YOUR FRONT ROW?

Congrats Aaron - 2nd Degree Black Belt! Great job!!

2nd degree black belt! Hi - yaaaaaa!!

Best of luck to Aaron as he tests for his Second Degree Black belt on Saturday!!

Above is a picture of when he earned his First degree!

I am so proud of you bud...

when I told you that you could do the first degree

and would not let you quit,

who would ever dream that you would be SO good at it

and that you would continue on past that goal!!!

And now to teach? At 15??

You rock!!

You can accomplish great things when you put your mind to it!!

I can't say "break a leg" - so how about...

BREAK SOME BOARDS!!

More pictures to follow after the weekend!! Stay tuned!!

Brittany... happy graduation...

this week... I am overwhelmed...
my baby girl graduates from high school...
I am so very proud!!!

My very best wishes and all my love and prayers surround you as you begin your journey through life... without me by your side!

Enjoy the SMILEBOX SLIDE SHOW below... it shows a few pictures through the years...
because, for once... I don't think that words can describe what I am feeling...

maybe pictures can help...

I am overwhelmed with memories...

the pure elation of holding my baby girl in my arms for the very first time...
teaching this small sponge... about manners... and God... and life... and bugs... and hurts...
the wonderful, small, seemingly insignificant moments that I have cherished and carried in my heart as I have had the privilege of raising her...
the "over the top" joy in watching her grow...
the feeling that part of me was missing, when I was not able to kiss her good night!
the complete desolation as you watch your child fail...
learning about "tough love" - it is... by far... the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!!
the raw, painful, feeling of having your heart ripped apart, as the child your brought up to have wings, ventures out of the nest into independence...
the feelings of "wanting to make it all better" that just get more intense, the bigger the child is...
the feeling that... I blinked... and somehow, 18 years have passed...
The way my heart, still reaches out to my child, even when I cannot hold her...
the feeling that I felt on Sunday... that I will never loose her love - no matter what - as she sobbed in my arms again!!

It has not always been an easy journey... but it is one I would do all over again... in a heartbeat!!
Today... and every day... I am so thankful for this beautiful, sweet girl...
and for all the feelings that I will always cherish for having been blessed with the title... "Brittany's mom"
Happy graduation - baby girl! I will always be your biggest fan!! I will always love you and remember... I'll be...

Brittany... 18 years

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Mis-matched!!

I had to "blog-lift" this picture from another site I follow...
because I laughed out loud when I saw it!!
This is SOOOOO me most days!!

We are so obsessed with making everything "match"...
We feel we have to present ourselves as though we have everything together...
when often, nothing really is and to be totally honest,
we feel just like "little~miss~matched"
on the inside!

I too, wonder how much our stress levels would change
and how much more FÜN we would have in life
if we could just adopt fashion whims
when it comes to how we present our
mis-matched
„uʍop ~ ǝpısdn„
selves...
just let us be... what we is...

p.s. I had to order a pair of flip flops from their website
http://www.littlemissmatched.com/Catalog/womens-flip-flops
I am gonna laugh out loud...
every time I wear them!!

An Old Irish Blessing

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Kyle

Kyle the kitty - King of the "Kouch"!!

Love those crossed paws!

"There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle."
— Albert Einstein

ok - I will admit that I am a quote nutt...
just one of my many psychosis~

forgiveness...

"Forgiveness is God's invention for coming

to terms with a world in which,

despite their best intentions,

people are unfair to each other

and hurt each other deeply.

He began by forgiving us.

And he invites us all to forgive each other."

Lewis B. Smedes

Taking a moment to say thanks...

I know it has been forever since I blogged...
sometimes life just seems to get in the way, doesn't it?

It has been a tough year & a half, I am not going to say it hasn't been...
I try to understand & I truly believe, everything for a reason...
But...
Sometimes I have such a hard time seeing the good in any of it...

But today, I am feeling reflective...
& very thankful...
& in awe of God's timing...
so I have to share!

ok... here it is... this is what my heart tells me...
Some very dear friends have come back into my life this year that I had lost touch with for far too long...
I know that I never want to lose touch with any of them again...
my life has been so blessed this year because, it feels like my life has come full circle.


so today...

for always loving me even when we were apart...
for not forgetting the great times we shared & cried...
for having the nerve to take the chance & make the connection, it is still there & always will be...
for keeping me in your heart, all these years... just as I have kept you in mine...
for loving me... I feel your love & hope you can feel mine...

thank you my friends... thank you!
{{{hugs}}}

family...

I just realized that some of you have not seen my family for a few years - Doh!
so will try to update you!

This is my nephew Matt's family, Ken's youngest stepson.

Matt, his wife Cara and daughter Taylor!

They live in the state of Washington so we don't get to see
them enuf but Cara is an avid blogger (and a great mommie and wife)
and she keeps us all so up to date. (thx Cara!)

Matt just had a birthday and is a whopping 28!! Happy birthday Matthew - we love you!

And this cutie patootie is Taylor Jade - tada!! She is 15 months old today...
she is an adorable little spit fire!!
They are lucky enough to live close to our Washington relatives which
encompasses a HUGE extended family!
In fact my cousin Jessica and Cara were great friends
growing up and Matt did not even know it when he met Cara!
Everything for a reason!!

More snow...

My poor snowman... he is practically buried!!

Even he looks like he is begging for help!

Handsome officer...

I love how handsome Mitch looks with his stetson...

I teased him about being an "out west" cop and told him that I would be

much happier seeing him with this on inside his home

than I would be if I saw this when he was pulling me over

alongside the road in Winnebago County!! Ü

Alison's birthday party!

We had such a great time at Ali's 2nd birthday party!

She was talking up a storm and definitely stole the show!!

I can't believe that she is growing up so fast!

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to Ali, Happy Birthday to you!

Ali eating her "lello" Elmo cupcake...