God Bless Us Everyone!

Merry Merry Christmas!

My grown up Christmas wish/prayer...

last year, in November, my world fell apart...
when brittany had to go to jail...
i had many "BIG" wishes/prayers
that she would do what she had to...
face what she needed to face...
learn from her mistakes...
and make a new life - one that would not involve being in that place on a holiday again.

but my selfish "little" wish/prayer was...
to have her HOME for Christmas...

she has had a great year and has made great strides and I am so proud of her...
i got that "BIG" wish/prayer answered.
and unbelievably, she was released on Christmas morning at 5:30 am...
i got my "little" but "HUGE" oh so important wish/prayer too.
my baby girl in my arms...
last Christmas.

this year, in November, again my world fell apart...
this time... it was my dad.

and i have had so many "BIG" wishes/prayers almost constantly...
that the doctors would find out what was making him so sick...
that he would celebrate his 75th birthday with us...
that my he would make it off the ventilator...
that he would survive the chest tubes and surgeries and treatments...
that his lungs would heal and he would be able to make it without oxygen one day...

my one selfish "little" wish/prayer was that my dad just might be able to be home for Christmas...
today I got that "little" but "HUGE" wish/prayer answered...
my dad is coming "HOME" today...
HOME!!
just in time for Christmas...

we can't hug him...
because of his treatment...
but we can sure welcome him home with open arms...
and huge smiles... from ear to ear!!

i cannot IMAGINE how he will feel!! But i know how good I will feel!

"HOME" - what a wonderful word!
SO thankful for answered wishes and prayers - BIG and small but oh so HUGE!

What an answer to prayer...

We are anxiously awaiting discharge details from the docs!!!
i can't believe it...
dad is doing SO good...
he is up walking...
there are times he is without any oxygen at all...
even WHILE walking!!!

It is so shocking to see such a difference...
part of me finds it so hard to believe that he was as sick as he was and now this...
i really never tried being pessimistic - just realistic...
this is such an answer to every prayer i prayed for every wish in my heart!!!
this was the UTIMATE!! OVER THE TOP HOPE!

but i also prayed that god's will be done...
no matter what it was... so had to accept that just because I wanted it so bad - it did not make it right or god's way...

Just like so much of life...
but this time... i got my answer to my prayers...
any many other peoples prayers...
i really really think he will be home by christmas!!!
what an AWESOME AWESOME gift!!

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we just got an early Christmas present!

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for the first time in a month, Dad was able to get into a wheelchair yesterday and Mom took him on a little stroll... out of ICU and through the beautiful indoor Healing Garden on his floor at the hospital!
i had tears in my eye's as I envisioned the two of them...

the doctors all walked in his room yesterday with big smiles on their faces and have made the decision today to transfer him to a regular room - hallelujah!
I just can't seem to stop smiling today!

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he is still very weak and struggling to fight the disease every day but what an answer to many people's prayers!

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A good update!!!

things are looking up... Ü

dad has made some definite improvements!!!

his breathing is less labored...
his oxygen is at half of what it was...
he has been sitting up in a chair...
he is working very hard at rehab...
and...
the docs are hinting at a possible move to a regular room???

part of me is very cautious as we have been here before...
BUT...
he truly is looking and acting better...
he is amazing the nursing staff...
and...
I AM LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!

my dad is a fighter!!!
and he has a lot of great people in his court rooting him on!
thank you all~

Dad's illness

as those of you who know me best already know...
i am a mess...

my dad and I have always been SO close...
there has never been anyone that could measure up to him. ever.

i always knew that i would be a wreck when something happened to him...
i am a mess... I AM A MESS...
on the inside...

on the outside though...
i trudge on... i muddle through...

i...
organize the visits...
try to take care of mom...
go to work...
try to be there for aaron and brit...
sit with dad through the long dis-orienting nights...
stroke his hand and keep him calm...
ask the important, real questions...
blot his tears...
update the families...
make jokes and keep him smiling...
read him the many cards, his devotional and his favorite book, the bible...
take care of the flowers and try to cheer the room and appear busy...
keep smiling when his numbers are not good so he doesn't see the worry...
wipe his brow with a cool cloth when he looks wore out...
just stroke his forehead, when words are not enough...
give him the thumbs up when he hits small little goals that seem like huge accomplishments...
but...
i will be honest...
i have seen my dad suffer more than I hoped to in this lifetime...

the disease seems to have progressed too fast... and too far...
no one seems to know how to treat this awful awful process...
it has been a an un-believable roller coaster, some parts too scary to describe...
his doctors are trying options...
many, many, MANY wonderful people everywhere are praying...
he is fighting... we all are fighting...
but i have faced all the outcomes...
and i have faced that the disease may win.

dad ALWAYS told me that if he dropped on the side of the road running, i had better not try to bring him back...
i have always known, felt and respected his relationship with his JESUS...
i know that he is ready when he is called home...
i just secretly, selfishly hope beyond hope sometimes, that it is not for a long, long time.

my dad has taught me SO much in my lifetime...
he has always lived north of me for my adult life so I call him my "north star"...
last year he placed a cross in a special place where i can go to talk to his JESUS...
and to talk to him when he is gone... who does that?

NO MATTER WHAT has happened to me in my life... he has always been there.
but come to find out - he has been there for SO many people...
it is so hard to imagine him falling...
but he is so loved, by so so many!!

It is not hard for me to imagine what my heavenly father will be like - i think he will be very much like my dad.
My best words to describe what has set my dad apart as a person but mostly as a man are the following words...

Nothing is as strong as gentleness, Nothing is as gentle as real strength

I am so thankful for each moment that JESUS gives me with my strong, gentle, real strength - my dad...

Next road bump...

After weeks of watching my father go downhill healthwise and seem to age before our eyes... we finally have a diagnosis. That in itself is answered prayer... although we all know, sometimes we don't necessarily like the answer...

He had not been feeling well for a long time - we watched him suffer through a stomach infection, a severe ear infection, a horrendous eye infection, some heart issues along with chills, fever, nightsweats and a host of other symptoms... symptoms that you would never think would be related to each other.

Tuesday when he started coughing blood, mom made the decision to bring him to Aurora ER. His bloodtests from last week were back and he has been diagnosed with Wegener's Granulomatosis, a rare auto-immune disease where the anti-bodies in your system basically attack your body.
It is un-curable...
The treatment's side effects are almost more debilitating than the disease...
BUT there is a chance of remission!!

He has started massive doses of prednasone...
They are trying to stop the bleeding in the lungs...
He will need to start Chemo soon.

It is daunting, scary and very overwhelming... please pray for us all as we start this day to day journey towards remission and good health. He will need all the prayer strength he can gather!

Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your heart...

On being brave... and strong...

You can do it Brittany!
Good luck with college...
take one day at a time...
make good decisions...
study and work hard...

and have the time of your life!
Very proud of you today!
I'll be...

The Boy and His Bike!

Aaron at Gravity Park

I love that dirt in the mouth/nose area...

He never stops smiling when he is on that bike!

Heroes!

I have known for years that Aaron is going to serve his country and enter the Marines after high school...

Ever since he was little, he has worn military hats, berets, camoflage, army boots - anything to be like his heros. (He still does!) Ü

And one of my favorite memories of him is the summer that he would sing all four anthems for each branch of service - proudly... at the top of his lungs... whenever he was asked!!

To be honest - I think he would go tomorrow if he could - that is how much he wants to serve!!

I have always been ok with it - probably because he is so determined...
Occasionally, he has vacillated between Army and Marines but he always comes back to his number 1 choice... to be a Marine - "like his Grandpa"

I was very emotional at Memorial Day Services this year (OK, more than normal)

~ Our flag, waving in the wind... there were 37 of them out this year - breathtaking!

~ Hearing my dad speak - and feeling so proud and thankful for his life.

~ Watching my great uncle Carl and his son Denny stand side by side, saluting our flag.

Then, when they played Taps... usually one of my favorite moments.

It suddenly dawned on me... Aaron entering the service is now than 2 years away...

This year... I admit, I did, very persuasively, try to talk him into sticking with the drums...

My argument to him - "Aaron, you can have an awesome career in the Marine band, travelling, seeing the world, getting great pay and benefits" - all the while selfishly, not wanting him to see combat.

His response? "Heck no!! I am not taking the easy way out! Mom, I want to fight... I need to serve my country... someone has to protect YOUR freedom"

How can you not be proud of that???

SOOOOO.... I have already started praying...

~ for his safety

~ for his friends and commrades while he will be there

~ that if he has to serve... that he will make a difference!!

This link/tribute gave me the chills... and reminded me of Aaron that summer!

They are all my heroes!!!

This was filmed in Iraq at a USO tour of a US Marine Base. Play it and enjoy...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MtdIO23MKM

Oldies but goodies...

Two of my favorites of our "older" Mattision generation... it is so fun seeing these brothers together and there are always a ton of laughs!!

Plus, I think they worked harder than I did on the fence project!!

New fence

Saturday project was a 7 foot fence in Amberg!!

Turned out great!!

Memorial Day 2010

The boys and their grandpa...

Featured speaker - my dad!

One proud daughter!!

Mother's Day 2010

So many feelings were so close to the surface this Mother's Day.

I took a few minutes to look back at photos of where the years have gone.

I never would have imagined that our lives would take so many twists and turns...

I never imagined the sweet moments could be so sweet...

nor that the painful moments, could cause so much hopeless anguish.

What I have learned through it all?

To appreciate each and every day... every moment!

To value each child (and their unique-ness)

That there is always hope... And un-conditional, un-failing love...

To know that I am SO THANKFUL to be Brittany's "Mommy"

and Aaron's "Momma"

And to remember to take life (and mothering)

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Thanks for the photo's Brit - great job!

Spring Fever

My tulips glistened this morning from the soft gentle rain that fell overnight...
Grandma's iris and lilacs have burst with beautiful purple splendor...

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! ~Mark Twain

We all know what we want, don't we?
Enjoy!!

I really do not have many words today.
Just a lot of feelings.
Winter is a time for seeking refuge,
for our mind, body and spirit.
But I refuse.
There are lots of changes going on inside of me
and I feel like I am jumping off into the deep end
without my "floaties" on.
Yet, at the same time, I feel my power welling up inside of me
and I am in search of the tallest cliff imaginable so that even
in the moment where I need to be still and grow,
I am taking action and standing up for my self.
So, today I just feel like putting on my swimming suit,
and plunging into the water from heights I've never been before.
HERE I GO!

My words to live by in 2010 - it's working!

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. Last but not the least:
40. Please "pay this forward"... I just did!!

Freebie...

I found a freebie...

I have been wanting to try one of these canvas portraits for awhile...

https://secured.canvaspeople.com/freegift

Good luck - let me know how yours turns out!