Thankful...

Yesterday, I accepted a new position at work! I am moving into Education Sales three days a week!! I am ready for a new challenge plus it will give me a little more flexibility with my hours and the opportunity to earn commission!! Yahoo!!!Ü

I am glad that I have so much to be thankful for, even with our struggling economy. I worry "what if" especially on a single income but I should know better... somehow it always works out.

I also am extremely thankful and sentimental today for another reason... 17 years ago, I cooked my first and only Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. Mom had just come through a kidney cancer diagnosis and removal of the kidney. She was released just in time to spend the holiday with us and she was even able to hobble to the kitchen to make her awesome " grammy gravy"!

Brittany was a baby at the time and mom was so worried that she would not be around to watch her grow up or to have other grandchildren. She has lovingly grandmothered (like no one else could) 3 more and two great grandchildren besides.

We worried that we would not have her another Thanksgiving but we have been so blessed and lucky that she is still here with us, 17 Thanksgivings later. I cannot wait to enjoy another yummie traditional Thanksgiving meal (no holds barred -crystal and china and silver, the whole sha-bang) with mom at the head of the table. I can almost taste that "grammy gravy" already!

"I have more than I need; much more than I deserve, and I overlook things far too often. However, I am grateful. Not just today, but as I look back in my life I see how much I have been given. I'm glad that we have a holiday and time to spend thinking about our blessings" - I am SO blessed!

I hope you have a lot to be thankful for in your own life. I wish for you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Let it snow...

Quick note: Yesterday, I finally got around to getting those shovels that I was so worried about buying...

Then guess what? This morning, I woke up to about 4 inches of beautiful, white fluffy snow...
It was me. I jinxed us. I know

For today, it was beautiful! And it got me in the winter, christmas mood... cute blog background, hey? On the weekend the snowman decorations will take over our house!!

It won't be long and I will probably be complaining about shoveling but not today!! ( It all melted off the sidewalks by noon! Gotta love that!)

Kimberly - State Champions - 2nd year in a row!!

My best friend Lisa - go Papermakers!

Cold but fun!! I had a blast with Brit!

Thanks for a great time baby girl!

One of those days...

I know - we all have them...

~The alarm did not go off this morning so I woke up late...
~I stubbed my toe as I got out of the shower (because I was running late)...
~I ran out of toothpaste...
~I forgot to take my dress pants out of the washer last night...
~I gave all my cash to the kids for lunch, tickets to the playoff game, tshirts for the playoff game, leaving me none for lunch and no time to pack one...
~Was almost late to work...
~Felt completely overwhelmed with thinking about getting Aaron to hunting trying to make sure he has everything he needs, remembering all I needed to pack for Brit and I to go to Kimberly's final game at state tomorrow, wondering if they would find a temp for me to be able to take off work tomorrow, thinking about the recycling and the leaves to rake and shovels that I need to buy before it snows...
~Felt sorry for myself that there was no "significant other" to wake me up on time (or even care that I was late), to help with the packing and the raking and the shovel buying...
~Realized that I forgot my work laptop at home, once I got to work, almost late...
~Tried to transfer the load of clothes (with my dress pants)when I ran back home to get my laptop. BUT my awesome, new, red, "Jetsons" washing machine only blinked DOOR LOCKED over and over - IT REFUSED to give up my wet clothes.
~Had a few messes to clean up at work (of course, work could not even go smoothly right?)...
~The printer broke trying to print nametags for a last minute project...
~UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Fortunately, a co-worked offered to buy lunch and we ordered chinese (OK, maybe it isn't SO bad to be out of $$) and guess what my fortune was?

"You have so much to be thankful for" - ir doesn't get more simple than that...

Puts it all in perspective, doesn't it? This day too shall pass!! Hoping that all the bad stuff happens in one day and glad that tomorrow will be a new one!!

Hunting season is upon us...

I truly believe that Aaron has developed ADHD! Fortunately, it is a temporary condition for him - it stands for "All Dedicated Hunters Disease"... I don't know how this develops or why (as I do not get the whole hunting thing) but he has every symptom.

~ He talks non stop about hunting camp

~ He bugs me daily (OK really, ten times a day) to get his hunting license

~ He obsesses with the food (and the amount of food) that will be available "up nort"

~ He bounces off the walls, drums on contertops and prances around in anticipation of "Opening Day"

~ He has fulfilled every requirement and the necessary grades to allow him to spend a week with "the guys" and grandpa

~ He cannot wait to "bring home the big one" and "feed the family" from his first deer.

All kidding aside - it has been fun to watch him be so excited about something! Hunting for his first time, IS a HUGE deal! The fact that he will enjoy some great male family bonding is just a bonus that he appreciates and looks forward to almost as much. (Let's face it, being the only male in the household HAS to get old at times)

Unfortunately you cannot see the ear to ear smile on his face as he signed his hunting license but as his mom - I enjoyed every moment!! Good luck Aaron!

Finally... I feel like me again...

Saturday... I found "me" again...
I don't know why or how come or the reason or the timing or what took so darn long but something just clicked.
Maybe my mourning period is over, maybe it is called giving up and giving in, maybe all the times I "slapped" myself finally worked, maybe it is all the thousands of prayers, maybe I have decided that I have "wasted" enough time and maybe it is finally, just "TIME"...

Life goes on... time heals...

Don't get me wrong, it still frustrates me...
that someone could throw my life (and my kids life) into such a tailspin...
that choices and decisions were made that I had no say in....
that someone could break every promise they ever made...
that I gave my heart and 110% of myself, for what?...
that a blended family, could "unblend" so quickly...
that he "regrets his actions" everday...

That may sound bitter... I'm not... but it is raw... it is my pain.

More than anything, it makes me sad that I believed him, that I shared my kids, my family, my heart and our lives. Ultimately, he didn't deserve it... but I don't regret the time with Jen and Brooke. I hope I a made a difference in their lives that they will never forget. They did in mine!

Pete asked me if I hate him?? I don't and I can't but as I told him, I am still so deep down disappointed that he gave up - that sums it all. Along the way, I lost bits of respect but when that happened, when he threw in the towel... I lost all respect.

=Charlotte Elizabeth Aisse
I could never love where I could not respect...

I am not over him... I will probably never get over him... I am scared to death to ever think of "trusting" anyone again. My mom told me that it takes 3 years to get past a divorce. I believe that.
In my mind, there is no timeline... it takes experiencing every emotion, grief, frustration, question, memory - both good and bad.
BUT...
for today...
I have more good days than bad.
and I am thankful for the spot that we have landed.
I am done "wallowing"!
I am not "normal" but I probably never was! (I know my brothers and kids are laughing at that)

Whatever the reason... all I know is it sure feels good. :)
I really think it is called "peace"... I am at peace with where I am - for today.

Webster defines peace as
2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions

I am getting there... slowly but surely. And looking forward to the future, for the first time in a long time. (((hugs))) to all of u!

Was unsure I would see this again...

I had to look twice... Gas? Finally under $2.00??

I giggled, sang and smiled all the way to work on my newly filled gas tank!!!

Some days it is the smallest things...

It has been a tough couple of weeks financially and I have been playing the game of only partially filling the tank.

Always hoping that the prices will go down "just a little more" before the next fill !!

Somehow, someway - it always works and there is enough!

So true...

A true friend sent this to me today... thank you!

God doesn't give you the people you want,
He gives you the people you NEED.

To help you,
to hurt you,
to leave you,
to love you...

to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Too funny not to share!

The biggest lesson that I have learned this year is that so much of what I have tried to keep quiet or hidden in my life, does not stay there... at some point - it all gets laid out there for the world to see! So what you are getting on this blog is "tranparency" - my feelings, thoughts and (often random) ramblings as I continue down the road of healing through "journaling"!

This involves a toilet so I will spare you the photos and I will try to paint a picture so you too, can laugh!
In a rush of running errands on Tuesday night, I did not have time to "potty" so was waiting until I got home (anyone who knows me at all knows I am always running for a potty, usually last minute!)
I had just talked to Aaron on the phone, he assured me, "all is fine at home, the kitty is good and I am at Dylan's playing video games".
I rushed to get home, unloaded bags and boxes from my car and RAN to the bathroom.... To find a toilet that was about 1/4" from overflowing and a plunger sticking out of the top. As I found a pail and emptied water out of the bowl into a pail, (let me note - no floaters, just pulpy wet toilet paper) and grabbed the plunger...
Aaron called to tell me, "oh yeah mom, I forgot to tell you, the toilet is plugged".
(REALLY???)
I was plunging away (with no luck) when a friend came to pick me up for dinner...
I quickly got over my pride and embarrassment of asking people for help... swallowed hard...
and asked for his assistance (something that I am becoming better and better at).
(Talk about humbling... help with a plugged toilet though????)
He is a big guy but after about 5 minutes, declared that I would have to call a plumber with a snake... ughhh! I decided that we could make it one night with a bucket and hadit all set up with a big note for the kids.
Then... my neighbor Brent happens to stop over - he decides to take the plunge (sorry - hee, hee) but nothing, it is not budging at all!
The decision is made to call Aaron to see WHAT the toi=toi is plugged with. He sheepishly admits, "I have been putting the kitty's droppings and litter down the toilet" CLUMPING KITTY LITTER - which has now become almost concrete!!!!!!!
I hear... "I didn't know mom!!!"
Brent is determined - he heads home and comes back with a "homemade" snake and announces that he is going to give it "the U.P. plunge". After about 10 minutes of being in water up to his elbows and a lot of determination - success!!! After many funny little "poopy" jokes and comments - he heads home... happy that he was able to help and waving his "snake" - and me - smiling and very grateful that he is so handy!!
Ya know - another small lesson in life - there is always two ways to look at everything. Meet the challenge, determined, head on... or run and hide!
It has been a year of "meeting the challenge" - part of me wants to yell - hooyah! bring it on!! But I dare not... let's just say, I am thankful for the support and friends that will help me through the tough times and for the ability to be humble and laugh... as I am sure there will be more to come!!

A Time for everything???

As I rounded the corner this morning, I was shocked and saddened to see that all the leaves were gone from my beautiful tree. :( What a difference a few days makes... it reminded me how fleeting time is... and it quickly put me in a dark mood...

In the next hour, the weather turned more bleak and dismal - as did my day. I received a call that a very good family friend, Gail, lost her battle with cancer yesterday - 5 years to the day the we lost my Aunt Ruby and her daughter (my cousin) Neo in a tragic auto accident. All 3 were phenomenal, extra-ordinary women who positively affected so many lives in their time with us and I find myself again questioning as have so many times this past year... why???? Oftentimes, admittedly, very angrily...

I am saddened to lose such a good person in my life but smiling that, for a season and a reason... she was here with us. She truly believed in Jesus and I can imagine her beautiful voice, singing with the angel choirs in heaven - louder and fuller than all the others because she is finally free from all pain and suffering...

I found myself listening to this song over and over today by one of my new favorite singers... http://www.myspace.com/nicolsponberg - click on "How Deep The Father's Love" to hear a beautiful reminder.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:Ecclesiastes 3:1-3