Shaken and sad...

Yesterday...
on a day that seemed oh so normal...
just driving home from work...
I received a call from Brittany with tragic news...
of the suicide of a 17 year old from Kaukauna High...
Kristy.

We knew her.
It shook my world...

My hair stood on end...
I did not believe it...
I hated telling Aaron and hoped that it was not true.
I still get chills everytime I think about it.

Every parents worst possible nightmare.
Horrific.
Tragic.
There does not seem to be a word to describe it and I cannot even imagine.

She had touched our lives personally...

I took care of her...
for two years when I was an at home "day-care" mom...
She and Aaron attended preschool together at Good Shepherd...
and then all our kids were in day-care together...
Her grandparents were our backyard neighbors for years.
A vivacious, bubbly, out-going little girl that made us laugh! All the time!

Her mom and I were great friends when the kids were young.
As the kids grew...
we drifted...
but would quickly try to catch up at the kids events through the years.
I watched her grow up from afar.

Recently, there had been a move from Kimberly...
I had heard rumors of a nasty divorce...

But...
What makes a child do this? Anyone do this?
How can there be no other options?

We knew her...
no longer closely...
but still...
she had been a part of our lives.

It made me realize again just how tough of a world our kids are growing up in.
It made me pray that neither of my kids ever feel this desperate or hopeless.
It made me extremely sad.
It made me text Brittany to always be strong and never give up.
It made me wish (a lot more than usual) that I could giver her a bedtime hug.
It made me have a talk with Aaron that I should probably have more often.
It made me hug him a lot tighter at bed time, to make up for both their hugs.
Because I am so lucky to have them.

And when I crawled in bed...
it made me sob...
uncontrollably...
because I am so thankful that...
somehow...
someway...
we survived divorce...
not just once.

it was not easy...
there may be scars...
but these can heal with time and love.

Because we still have each other.
And for that I feel so grateful.