Aaron's bad news...

Aaron found out this week that his best buddy in the world, Jake is moving to Texas with his family. He cannot even stand to talk about it and wells up every time he thinks about it. My heart hurts for him... it has been such a tough year of losing people he loves. I keep reminding him that good friends can stay good friends even with a distance between them and to make the most of the time they have together before the move, which will happen at the end of the school year. Here is a picture of the two goofballs!! We will miss him - he seems like part of the family! :(

My daily gift from God...

Whenever asked my favorite season, it has always been FALL!!! DEFINITELY!!! without a second thought. While I do enjoy all 4 seasons in Wisconsin... if we only got a month of winter, I would be MUCH happier. Ü

This photo does not do it justice but this is my full glass view from my desk at work, everyday. As you can see in the background, every other tree around is barren BUT right outside my desk, I have this beautiful display of God's artistic creativity! Every night, for at least the past month... as I leave work, I take one last peak and wonder if, tomorrow all the leaves will be down. But everyday... as I round the corner, I am surprised that the tree is still radiant!! And when I am lucky enough to have a day filled with sunshine besides??? WOW!
I have 5 of the same trees in my yard and they have all lost 95% of their leaves! (I know that because I have already raked 5 times!!) I don't know why this tree still has it's leaves but I know that I am blessed, for another day... to have such a beautiful view!

Why is this such a blessing? A year ago, I was suffering from the breakup of a relationship, losing health insurance with a pending divorce AND I was stuck in a cube, staring at a wall, in a darkened room feeling like a mushroom! My job was extremely stressful and although I was supposedly"advancing myself", everyday I felt like I was losing the battle, getting more overwhelmed while being asked to do the work of 3 people... with no end in sight. I was also expected to travel often (as a single mom? RIGHT!)! My boss was a tyrant and not a good person... How could I win?? I dreaded going to work most days but how could I even think of finding time to look for a different job. My days and my spirits were dark and overcast!

When I was suddenly fired... without warning... on top of every other disaster in my personal life... I felt like the world's biggest loser! Along with the additional stress of the divorce, the house for sale and where were we going to live... it was now - what was I going to do for work? Will I even be able to find a job? How will we eat? Would I start all over with vacation? Could it possibly get any darker? It could and it did but...

All I can say is... everything for a reason! Losing my job gave me a lot! It gave me:

• 6 weeks off paid - during a time when my children needed me and I "NEEDED" to be there for them and not working!
• Time to pack and get my house ready to move when it sold!
• Time to show my home, sometimes with only an hour notice!
• Time to learn to play the banjo!
• Time to make 3 quilts and kept my mind off my personal problems, at least temporarily!
• Time to see that "being busy" is not always the answer - sometimes we need quiet times!
• Time to nap when my body and mind were wiped out from worry!
• The option to roll my 401K - which let me take a temporary loan on my house downpayment (without a penalty) so that I could purchase our new home, BEFORE our old home had sold!
• Time to be a little choosy about the new job I took so I did not have to take the first one offered!

And ultimately, HE gave me a new, way better, over the top, job - that I love! With better pay, phenomemal health insurance and other benefits, the same amuont of vacation days, surrounded by great people and MUCH less stress, with a chance to make a difference in the lives of my co-workers, with the opportunity to feel needed and appreciated - AND WITH A WINDOW SEAT with light everyday!! What a difference "light" makes in our daily lives and in the world!!

On the way in to work today, as I turned the corner and saw "my tree"... I was listening to a remake of an old hymn that I loved as a child - there is a line that says, "His eye is on the sparrow and I know, he watches me." Need I say more?

P.S. I know that HE can't keep the leaves on my tree forever but for today... I am smiling because they are still there!!

Our newest addition...

Meet Kyle... (we think - so far that is the name the kids agreed on) our newest addition to 409 South Harriet St...

A friend introduced me to him yesterday and I instantly fell in love - he came to work with me immediately and snuggled on my lap all afternoon. (Yes, work is pretty easy going!) He faired pretty well on his first night away from his mom and brothers, slept all night with Aaron and no crying at all. He finally pee-ed - IN THE LITTER BOX, mind you - at 6:30 this morning! Good kitty!

Both kids love him to death already and we all took turns holdin and snuggling him - he finally purred about 10:00 last night but Aaron had already decided kitty was sleeping with him - litter box, food dish and all! We are hoping the rest of his transition goes as smoothly as his first night and are looking forward to lots of good cuddle time with our new buddy!

Laughter... the best medicine...

I had to take a moment to blog about the slide show below...
Uncle Ken was sweet enough to bring his AWESOME digi camera over this weekend and shoot some family pictures for us for our Christmas cards. What sometimes can be such a dreaded event (posing for the camera) actually turned out to be a lot of fun. We had a beautiful day... and some of the pics caught the beautiful fall colors perfectly but more importantly, we had a great time together!

This past year, as I tried to maintain a positive outlook, there were times when I wondered ...
If we would ever laugh, really laugh again...
If we could ever dig out of the despair and turmoil...
If we could ever forgive each other for all the errors we all made trying to deal with disaster...
How deep some of the wounds had cut and if we would ever stop bleeding...
If I could ever take or look at photos again...

I truly wondered if we would ever even make it some days and whether just "making it" was going to be enough...

The pictures below caught such a fun few moments that I had to share them. I have watched this clip about a hundred times and it makes me smile and LAUGH, really laugh, every time.

It proves that time does heal wounds... that family bonds are like no other... that we all have it in us to forgive... that one of life's hardest lessons is that life is not always fair but there may be something better around the corner... that what doesn't kill you, does make you stronger... that siblings truly have a bond beyond explanation...
and to all of you who wish you could be here with us everyday and can't, that we truly all are healing and growing and moving on. With baby steps... Minute by minute, day by day!

P.S. I hope you laugh as you watch these two awesome kids together!! Ü

Brotherly and sisterly love!!

Brittany Kayla McGowan - class of 2009

As promised, here is one of Brit's graduation pictures... isn't she beautiful??? The years have flown by SO FAST! I cannot believe that my baby girl will graduate this year!!

(I am chuckling as I write because one of the reasons that I named her Brittany was so that she would not have a nick-name and there was no way to shorten it - but she has always been "Brit"!)

So many wonderful memories and moments to cherish... It seems like just yesterday she was toddlin around and climbing in the tub dumping shampoo all over herself, giving me her raised eyebrow look, and playing in her "poopie" car (Cozy coupe)!

I would have never guessed the intense love that I felt for her long before she was ever born. I just knew she was going to be a girl from the minute I found out I was pregnant... I sang to her and talked to her and loved every minute of my easy pregnancy. I could not WAIT for her to be born... I did not think that I could possibly love her more but then I held her in my arms for the first time and every minute of labor and waiting was worth it as I looked into her eyes. I remember hearing her cry in the nursery from my room and the nurses laughing at me as I hobbled down to get her because I could not be away from her. She stayed in my room from that moment on... and she had my heart forever!!

She has always taken the world by storm - my "extreme" child... that was two weeks over due, that came out bellowing letting the world know she was here, that wrapped everyone around their little finger when they met her, that felt things 100 times stronger than most, that barrels into every situation, that has NEVER been timid or afraid to try anything. As her mom, there has been pain and sadness and heartbreak BUT I have also been rewarded with "extreme" love and joy and happiness!!!! And that more than makes up for the hard spots of parenting this "extreme love of my life"... The years are a blur but I am so thankful for all the great moments... it has not always been easy raising a daughter in today's world but I am so blessed to have been her mom!!

I always think of that e-mail where a mom wishes her daughter "enough" - I have been granted more than "enough" with this beautiful young lady and for that I am so "extremely" grateful!! I look forward to watching her grow into a woman as she accomplishes so much this year!!

Watch out world - it is a new beginning Brit - you have the potential to do great things and I know you will!!

Attitude...

A good friend sent me this today... what a great reminder of what we all already know but it is worth pondering again... (sometimes on a daily basis!) Have a great day!

You can not control what happens to you but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you... and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

Two generations of friends

Aaron's fist homecoming date - at Bayport High school

Attached are some pictures of Aaron's first Homecoming date night... at Bayport High School! For those of you that don't know... one of my best friends in the whole world (Sue Anderson-Rymer) is Aaron's godmother and her second son Henry and Aaron have become pretty good buds through out our years of friendship. Aaron and "Hank the tank" connived so that he could go spend the weekend for Bayports homecoming festivities and to allow him to say yes to Kelsy (who he met at LLBC) because she had asked him to the dance.

I have to admit that I was nervous to drop him off at the football game on Friday night. Just knowing that he was only aquainted with two kids that were going to be there and it was a whole new school!

Ofcourse, Mr. Social did just fine and had an absolute blast! He even went with Hank on Saturday morning to decorate for the dance so that his "date" could get her ticket money back as he then got in for free. I went back up on Saturday night and met "the group" and got some pictures of the big event! Great group of kids - Aaron looked like he knew them all for years as they were hamming it up for pictures with the adults! Kelsy was very nice and polite - very tiny and petite next to Aaron especially!!!!

Last night, Aaron talked NON-STOP (in the hot tub ofcourse!!) about all the fun he had!!

Very sporadic blogger, that would be me...

When I checked the date of my last blog, I was embarrassed...I apologize... I am not too consistent with this blogging thing! And yes, Brittany does live in our house too (hard to tell because there are few pics) but she will never let me take her picture! We did just order her graduation pics and I promise to post one as soon as they come in. There were 94 proofs and they were phenomenal!! Funny because people always tell me that she looks so much like me but I have never truly seen it... until I went to get her proof book! Unreal! Almost scary actually!

A little on Brit - I am so proud of how far she has come... it has almost been six months since "the incident" and she truly has come a long way. AND she has done it almost all on her own! Next week she will go for her drug and alcohol assessment FINALLY! How frustrating - you would think that in a world of so many messed up kids, there would be an urgency to get them in a program or to get them some help but the system takes forever! BUT she has had two random tests recently and has tested clean, has almost paid off all her fines, has completed her community service, has all A's and a C in school (MUCH improved from last year), is applying to college and continues to work almost full time at Shopko in the optical dept.
But most importantly, I see signs of the Brittany that we knew before the drugs and rebellion. Somewhere that little girl is still in there - the one that always had to have me kiss her good night, the one that had such a "special" relationship with the grandma and grandpa Mattison, the one whose smile could light up the room, the one who loved to color... I see glimpses and each day she is softer and more able to open up!! And each time I see her make these small steps, my heart gets a little softer and I am better able to forgive her for what she did and the heartache that resulted. We are still dealing with court dates and fallout from the events so it has not "gone away" and won't for awhile BUT we are closer and for that I am so thankful!! I still pray every day (sometimes a hundred times a day) for strength for both of us to make it through - one day at a time!! (And to be honest, sometimes... one minute at a time!) I am hoping that her progress continues. Each day, I try to reinforce how proud of her I am and how much I will always love her... no matter what!
She will get it... I have faith!

My "Little" Drummer Boy

Not the best picture but you can see how handsome that smiling drummer is!! This was his first halftime show and he did great! He led his row AND even participated in the extra drumline portion! Seeing him all dressed up and so grown up, I had tears in my eyes. Let me tell ya, this was one proud mama!!
Here is the rest of the story... All year, Aaron begged me to let him quit band. I kept telling him that he was too good to quit and that he should give high school band a try for at least a year. THEN Uncle Bruce let Cody quit trombone - you can imagine how bad the pressure from Aaron got after that!! BUT he went to summer tryouts AND liked them a lot... talked non-stop about practice and couldn't wait to see what type of instrument he would get assigned. He was sure it would be the cymbals or something easy, not a drum because "no freshmen ever get a drum, mom" But guess what? He was also the first freshman in five years to get a snare drum and talk about proud!! He reeaallllyy was!! And he will be the first to tell you how much he loves band and he even admits that "good ole mom" was RIGHT in making him stay in!!